Incest Beast Meets His Match

It's a random Thursday night during freshman year. Me, Kibbles and the Beast are trolling around campus looking for things to do so we hit up the party at one of the other dorms. The three of us walk in to a humid room full of heinous women and weird dudes. Hard alcohol is on the menu tonight and not much else and besides the complete dearth of attractive women it seems like it's actually a good time.

So we start mingling and it is unsaid amongst us that the three of us are going home together as any guy that takes a girl home from this party may as well take her back to her natural environment of the zoo. Now, when guys are met with the prospect of ugly chicks and booze they tend to get friendly with the latter and that is exactly what we did. 4...5...6...7...who knows how many shots we did but it was enough for us to lose track of one another in a rather short period of time.

About a hour and a half goes by and Kibbles stumbles up to me and tells me that it's time to go back, well he doesn't so much tell me so much as he does shout, gesticulate and drool it but I get his point...it is indeed time to go. But, the Beast is nowhere to be found and assuming that he went back already, alone, we too make our way back to the room.

After jiggling the lock for a good 10 minutes trying to open the damn door we manage to get into our room where the lights are off, shades are drawn and the bed is shaking. Seeing as our other roomate would feel more comfortable in the Science Center on a Thursday night we assume that the Beast is having convuslions. We flick the lights on to see this creature caressing the Beast. Now, you don't get the nickname Incest Beast without the requsite amount of hair on your back but this girl had the Beast down 3 to 1 on the folicle count. Not to mention she looked like a mutant freak who might have been born in Chernobyl's Reactor 3 as well as having a face worthy of a cubist Picasso painting. I'm not sure if the Beast realized what was in his bed and if it was legal but he poked his head up and muttered 'Uhhhhhh...what's up guys?' While the answer to his question may have been his little winkie, Kibbles and I answered with a mouth-gaping 'Uhhh...nothin' man...see ya.'

Not only did we leave the room but I think we may have left the area code fearing that the hand of God would show up at any minute and with his index finger extended towards our dorm room say in a very stern and serious voice: "No!"

The next morning the Beast played dumb, saying that he was so drunk and that she made so many quick moves that he had no choice but for Kibbles and I, it was the most henoius walk-in each of us had ever had.