Stevey and The Keg

While this is a third-party story, it is a classic nontheless.

Our boy Milliner was a bit of a partier. He suffered from acute alcohol abuse and even lower standards. This was a kid whose solution to pissing the bed was to just turn the mattress over.

So he starts the night off with a couple of drinks and makes his way downtown with a bunch of his friends. After getting to the bar he takes a couple more shots and has a few more drinks. Things are going great, girls are talking to him and everyone seems to be having a great time. The hours are flying by and the drinks are not in short supply for Stevey.

As the night begins to wind down Steve has a sudden irrational judgement scenario and elects to go home with a girl aptly named 'The Keg'. While I've never seen this heinous maiden, her reputation is predicated on the notion that she is, in fact, built like a keg of beer. Not to mention her head looks like an excuse for a kindergarden art project.

So Stevey-boy stumbles home with The Keg and goes up to her place. Things start happening and clothes begin coming off. It was either the sight of The Keg with no clothes on or the obscene amount of liquor that Stevey had during the course of the evening, but one of those two scenarios acted as the catalyst that sent him on a bee-line to the bathroom.

One of his friends, Birdman, happened to be dating a girl who lived in the same house as The Keg, heard a commotion from one of the bathrooms that sounded like someone was vomitting. Birdman made his way to the bathroom only to walk in on Stevey curled up with the toiled and completely passed out. Bird tried to help Stevey up but it was to no avail, that was until The Keg showed up with an inquiry as to the condition of her 'man'.

"I don't think Steve's feeling too well. I mean he's really throwing up pretty badly. I think I'm going to take him home." said Birdman, clearly concerned over the state of his friend.

The Keg, taking one look at the situation in front her realized that it could be many years until her next opportunity to hook up looks at Birdman straight in the eye and shouts, "Tell him to brush his teeth and meet me in the bedroom!"

Alas, Steve slept over for the night.